Being Tuned-In to My Children’s Growing Years

As a parent, our children may seem fine, but that can be deceiving as I found out. I learnt the importance of checking-in on them and to equip them with tools to deal with their own challenges. Learning to self-care starts right at home.

Here’s the back story. My 13 years old son had a brush with near depression in 2020. It happened when he started to experience changes in his life as a teenager. Puberty had started to bring changes to his physical and emotional make up. The search for his identity had also begun. Socially, transiting from primary school to secondary school added challenges in seeking acceptance from his new peers.

COVID-19 brought sudden, big and unexpected changes overnight. We all struggled with major adjustments in our daily living. Routines, how we worked, how our children learnt in school all changed in an instant.

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He was not coping well with his academic work, especially mathematics, which he used to ace. I had brushed it off as the effect of his transition. He was just adjusting and it will work itself out. There were other changes. He would refuse to go out to practice his favorite sport and became quiet at meal times. Our meals together are our family’s catch up time. However, I still could not anticipate what was about to come.

One day, while asking about his academic performance, he broke down and burst out hysterically. I was stunned, because he never cries. As I allowed him to experience his outburst, I could feel his sense of helplessness, despair and feeling lost.

I was fortunate that I was able to gently guide and support him back into a sense of calm and grounding.

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Here are some signals to watch for distress.

• Changes in daily routine. Habits or behaviours start to change for no reason.
• Changes in moods and reactions. These can become sudden, explosive and drastic
• Changes in academic indicators, usually for the worse

When dealing with the situation, it is imperative for parents to remain calm, composed and neutral. The worst thing to do is to chide the child. Rather, ask the child how and what support he/she would need. Gentle plodding will go a long way.

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One of the self-care practices that has helped greatly which I’ve taught my children is TRE® (Tension Release Exercise). Something that is effective yet simple to learn and do.

TRE® is based on the fundamental idea, backed by research, that stress and tension is both psychological and stored in the physical. TRE® triggers our natural shaking mechanism embedded in our deep muscles. With TRE®, people often report feelings of peace, relaxation, calmness and well-being. It is designed as a self-help tool that, once learned and practiced, will support and promote mental wellness and health throughout one’s life.

Learning TRE® involves practicing 7 exercises to activate the body and mind to trigger the inbuilt natural shaking mechanism. I do it effectively by allowing clients to understand the connection between the body and mind. It can be done both in person or virtually.

This article is contributed by Cassandra Nadira Lee, founder of Comb, and does not represent the views or opinions of Health Matters Malaysia.

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